You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
