He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
