you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
