Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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