My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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