God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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