Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
