So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
