Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
