WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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