Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
