There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
