the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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