yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
