I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
