What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
