Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
