shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
