3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
