I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize