We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
