I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
