I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
