My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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