I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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