eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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