dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
