I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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