I hope mine doesn't look like that
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
