Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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