my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
