I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
