Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
