I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
