bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
