I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
