so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
