I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
