guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
