OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
