i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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