areolas are like halos for boobs.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
