In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
