it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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