Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
