That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
