I'm eating all of the evidence.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
