I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
