I want to make a zoo with you.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
