We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
