i permit you to call me
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
