I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
